Hi ho, hi ho, it's back to work I go

So tomorrow I go back to work. I never thought I’d say this, but it’s going to be hard to go back. The first week at home I thought I’d never survive, but I did, and have fallen in love with my life all over again. I’ve had an incredible summer and I’m so thankful that it was possible for me to be home.

I’ve learned a lot about myself these fast several weeks. I’ve learned that I’m capable of taking care of two kids by myself, even, gasp, taking them to public places alone. I’ve learned that I would not, indeed, go crazy as a stay at home mom, but it’s not a realistic possibility to be one at this point. I’ve set new goals and adjusted my expectations for me and for my family. I’ve planned my work, now I have to work my plan, as they say. I’ve reminded myself that my family means more to me than anything else. I don’t know how that keeps slipping my mind, but sometimes it does, and this summer I’ve decided to never take my husband and kids for granted again. Ever. I like myself for the first time in a long time, although I’m not really liking how down I am these past few days as the new normal routine of my life is about to start. I like myself as a mom, as a wife, and everything else. I’ve been exercising some (not enough), eating a bit better, keeping my house relatively clean, even with the two (three!) critters who live here doing their best to trash it, getting things done that needed to be done for a long time, and most of all, I’ve been easier on myself about not being perfect all the time. That was a tough one for me. I’ve learned to make time to thank God for all of the blessings he has provided for me and my family. It’s sometimes easy to skip a quiet moment when there is so much else going on, but really, for all He’s done for us, a few minutes is not too much to ask. I’ve learned to step out of my comfort zone and make new friends. Friends that I hope our family will continue to grow with and get to know. I’ve learned to take time and really listen to my hilarious critterboy son. Seriously, somehow I always knew he was a hoot of a sweetie pie, but lately he brings me to my knees with his maturity and his view on life. At three years old he’s quite the wise old owl! I’ve watched our beautiful princesa grow and change and bond with us so much in such a short time. She even started crawling on Friday. Real, bona fide crawling. There’s no stopping her now! I will never get these months back and I hope I have soaked up every moment, good and bad, and will look back with no regrets.

Do I like my job? Yes, of course. Am I ready to go back tomorrow? Of course not. But I will, and I’ll try to be the happy go-lucky person that I was when I was there 10 weeks ago. That’s how they know me there, and I think many people came to depend on me for a pick me up when they needed it. I’m glad I can be there for the 250+ employees that I’m so blessed to work with. I’m going to be sad though. I will constantly think about my babies, knowing they’re fine at “school”, but still wanting them with me instead. I’m sure there will also be the days that I’ll be soooo glad I can go to work to get a break from the hectic life at home. Tomorrow might be one of those days actually! I’m still not sure how it’s all going to get done, but it did before, and it will again.

Thanks for “listening” to my reflections about the very end of our adoption journey. There are just a few loose ends to tie up, but for all practical purposes, when I go back to work we’ll simply be a family of four. No more, no less. How perfect is that? Thank you again, Lord, for this time with my family. I will cherish it always.